The Low Hum of Tension at Home
I'm about to return to my parents' house for about 3 weeks. While I'm looking forward to the change of environment, I'm also anticipating the return of the Low Hum of Tension that slowly builds every time I do go home.
It's the same process each time. Leave my apartment as early as possible, excited to get back home. To my family, to old friends, to more space, to a softer bed, to my nostalgic collections of toys and books, to a slower pace of living. But even after just 2 or 3 days, the Hum sets in. Things aren't chill at home. I'm no longer in full control of my time, my space, my meals, or my energy. A part of my brain is always occupied, whether I notice it or not, with navigating this tension. A part that's not active when I'm just chilling at my own apartment.
I love my parents. I say this because what I'm about to talk about seems negative and I don't want to discount everything they've done for me, continue to do for me, and all the love we have for each other. Now I'll admit that my parents are not chill. They care about details that I used to care about, but have since found more peace in letting go of, like the specific route one would take to a destination.
When I get home, these details are cared about more than I'm used to, and the Low Hum quietly creeps in. I start caring about little details too. I find myself becoming less chill.
I'm still looking forward to coming home, but I think I'm writing this just to remind myself that I don't need to leave right after work on Wednesday. I can take my time a little before rushing back to just realign my expectations and take a deep breath. Home is wonderful, but remember the stressors that inevitably creep in, and I can be better prepared to handle them.
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