Love, Fear, and Letting Go
Over the past year, I've spent a lot of time decluttering my childhood home. Between two big moves across the state, I've come face-to-face with the physical weight of belongings and adopted a more minimalist approach to object ownership as a result. I find myself lecturing my parents about buying things they don't need and keeping items just in case, only for them to pile up uselessly in the corners and hallways of our home. I've tossed piles of old clothes (many that still fit me) into huge garbage bags to be donated. I've ruthlessly donated nostalgic items from my old bedroom to make room for a fresh coat of paint and a new bed.
I thought myself a fully changed person. Sure, I can still be nostalgic, but I can let go of sentimental things more easily now. I'm more practical about what I keep and what I don't need anymore. Or so I thought.
When I had a clear, short-term goal in mind -- lightening my load for an upcoming move or making space for some redecorating -- decluttering was easy. But when I still feel strongly connected with what I'm trying to let go of, the process can still be extremely emotional.
Last weekend, I was surprised by how difficult it was for me to let go of a small plush that I loved as a kid. It had the chance to go to someone who really appreciated it now and (under some pressure) I let it go. At first I was resentful and regretful. This thing still sparked joy in me! This was my favorite toy as a child! It's kind of rare and is having a small resurgence in popularity! Why should I have to give it up? But I let it go.
. . .
After going through this Toy Story 3 moment, I realized two things. First, I'm not as detached from worldly possessions as I thought I was. (Which is not necessarily negative, just interesting!) And secondly, I'd like to thoughtfully consider the reasons behind my choices more.
Even when giving away my toy aligned with a lot of my values, like letting go of things I don't use and sparking joy in others by being generous, I was surprised to find them in conflict with my values of cherishing sentimental memories and owning "cool" objects. When I was confronted with a decision, I ultimately chose to go with the first set of values, but from a sense of fear of judgement rather than a place of love.
Even though I'm ultimately happy with my choice, this tainted the decision a little. I'd like to remind myself that I always have a choice, and thinking that I "have to" or "should" do something takes away my own agency and only breeds resentment. I'm resolving to consciously make choices born from love rather than fear. And that it's okay to ask for some time to think things through.
Let me quote myself from a week ago: "Remember what matters to me. Not money or appearances or comfort. Human connection, creating, experiencing life fully."
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